I know, I know, I know

I've been running behind on everything. I have a job interview tomorrow, and I'm officially obsessed. The job is for the Information Technology Contract Administrator. Sounds good, right? I think so. It's with a healthcare provider, actually the one I use, so that's exciting. Plus, who wouldn't want to make a contribution to a healthcare provider?

Hopefully more to come later today.

Yashar Ali

This is Yashar Ali. He is one of my favorite writers. He writes about women, society, gender inequality and politics. I often feel that he is in my head. He seems so in tune with things I have experienced. 

One of his recent articles was on gaslighting. I had no idea what gaslighting was before I read his article. Here's his definition: A term, often used by mental health professionals, to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy.

Here's more on what he says about gaslighting:

"The term comes from the 1944 MGM film, Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. Bergman’s husband in the film, played by Charles Boyer, wants to get his hands on her jewelry. He realizes he can accomplish this by having her certified as insane and hauled off to a mental institution. To pull off this task, he intentionally sets the gaslights in their home to flicker off and on, and every time Bergman’s character reacts to it, he tells her she’s just seeing things. In this setting, a gaslighter is someone who presents false information to alter the victim’s perception of him or herself."

I bet everyone has experienced it. For example, have you ever been upset that someone is late, and had them tell you something like, "Relax. You are overreacting."? That is gaslighting, and it is going on all around us. Yashar describes many ways women experience it in his article from September 12, 2011 (Gaslighting Article). There are many more extreme ways that we all experience gaslighting. For example in workplace relationships, but then who can say which relationships are more important, personal or work? They both have such an affect on how we view ourselves and our lives.

I definitely recommend reading his article, and getting a taste of his writing. He states it much more eloquently than I. 

His other articles are wonderful too. I could go on and on about him. If I had the chance, I would marry him in a second! 

A Typical Day

It's 10am, and so far this morning I have knitted a little and written a letter to one of my three nieces. Apparently it's letter-writing month. Well, not really, but I was reading an article, and a woman named Mary Robinette Kowal challenged herself and everyone, who chose to do so, to send at least one piece of postal mail every day that the post office is open for the month of February. So far, it's been interesting to decide who to write to, and what to say in the letter. I'm so used to writing emails in which I ask a ton of questions, but in a letter it's impossible to do that, and yet I don't just want to write a summary of what I have been doing. It's forced me to think about what I really want to say to that person, and so far it's been kind of fulfilling.

I actually think today is going to be a pretty nice day. I have some work to do on my job search, and I have my therapist, which is always a challenge. After all of that, I should have some time to work on the scarf I'm currently knitting. Hmmm. I'm trying to figure out how to add a photo here.

There we go. It crashed Firefox on me, but I got it. It's called a Picot scarf. I actually like the way it's coming along. I love the color of the yarn, and the pattern is simple enough, but not horribly boring like many. However, I have gotten used to working with much larger needles and thicker yarn that make the knitting go a lot quicker, so this seems to be taking forever!

The job search is a huge challenge. After owning an interior design company for the last 11 or 12 years, it's difficult to say what I would be best at when trying to hone in on my skills. I love to write, so I was thinking process documentation and improvement, but I also enjoyed procurement when I worked on that portion at ADC, and again on my own. I love negotiating with suppliers. It probably sounds horrible, but they never prepare like I do, so it's easy to get a good price on whatever I'm negotiating for. That can be icky, or fun, depending on who you are working with.

There are lots of things that I love to do. I just have to find the right mix for me. My problem is that I just focus on what the company is looking for, and try to squeeze myself into that box so that I can convince them to hire me. (Mainly so I don't have to keep interviewing. It's pure torture.) Unfortunately most companies are looking for specific skills that I don't know enough about. I'm kind of a jack of all trades, and a learn-it-on-the-go kind of gal.

Preparing for my therapist is a challenge too. She thinks there's a reason behind everything I talk about, but I want to really think about what we should be discussing so I'm not just wasting our time talking about nothing. So, it's off to my journal to figure that out soon.

I hope you all have a great day!!!

My First Blog

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed writing this first blog entry, which seems like it should be a momentous event. As the title of my blog states, I am a student of life and knitting, or sometimes knitting and life, depending on what I'm up to. Being a student of either all the time gets exhausting.

At 46 I didn't plan to be studying anything, except maybe how to get ahead in my career. But here I am looking for work, getting a divorce and learning to be independent. To be frank, it's rather scary, and I'm not sure which part scares me most.

I haven't had to look for work since 1996. Needless to say, my skills are relatively rusty. I have been married for 21 years, and with him for about 28 years now. I don't have friends really, and the thought of starting over and meeting new people is terrifying. Independence frightens me, and yet I am very excited about it. What shall I do tonight? I can't say I don't know anymore in deference to him. Everyday things suddenly seem to be about me. Well, me and my pets. Did I mention I have five pets? Three pups and two kitties. They are my best friends right now, and I just love them to death. I think I'm getting a little off track here.

Knitting is the other thing I feel like I'm learning more about every day. I started about four years ago when I saw an article in a magazine about women getting back to knitting. And not just grannies, but all women. I was looking for a new creative hobby, so I found a nearby shop, and signed my mother and myself up for a beginner's class.

Knitting became a love of mine from the moment I picked up those needles! It can be all-consuming, or just a distraction - something to do while I chat on the phone or watch television. And I actually achieve something. A number of my projects thus far have been disappointments (more to come later), but some of them are amazing, or at least amazing to me.

That said, I hope that as I share my lessons in life and knitting that it will entertaining, in the least. Perhaps we can share ideas along the way, as I am eager to hear from you. Much love! Wendy